THE FEAR or my version of it!
I feel I need to explain my lack of activity on here since late spring.
I get a paralysing fear that everything that I do is not good enough. My jewellery, the website, the food I cook, me breathing, ……..yes……everything……
While everyone I know will tell me that I am good enough and people would not be interested in it if it was not good enough, but the little voice in my head gets the better of me.
This fear takes many forms and during this time I have :- stared into space, cried, had the flu, talked myself out of many things, cried some more, avoided human contact, I haven’t even looked at the website/touched the laptop during this time and avoided looking in my craft room. The best thing i did was to decide to re-organise/redecorate my lounge (not an easy job when the room is clear, this was even harder as it was fully furnished), because who does not love a huge lump of procrastination to avoid doing the simplest of things. And while I managed to achieve something lovely in my home (it took about 8 weeks to complete) it was all to avoid facing the ‘fear’, which i ended up doing when I was asked to create some bespoke pieces for a couple of people on twitter, so many thanks to @BeckyWhin and @beckyboogaloo for getting me out of my funk.
While I am over this episode of ‘The Fear’ and back to making and creating, sadly, it will return at some point and I will go very quiet again and nothing will happen for a while.
This is the roundabout of mental health that I find myself on and why, for now, Brewery Jewellery is a hobby and not a full time job sadly, as my mental health has that status right now! But I hope one day that the hobby will become the full time job and my mental health issues become the hobby, as I know that they will never fully leave me, just manageable and I can return to some kind of normal (whatever that may be)
Remember….it is ok to not be ok…..